CONTRE-LA-MONTRE
Translated from the French, it means "against the clock".
In the cycling world, it refers to the time trial or "race of truth".
It should be called, "poking yourself in the eye with a fork".
One might ask, why would you call it that?
To which the answer would be; "because the only time it feels good is when you stop."
The race in question was the 2 man TT put on in LaPlace this past sunday (3/22/09). It was a 40K (25 mile) out and back killer TT. Precision Bikes showed up and proved that we can stick forks in our eyes with the best of 'em! Participants included Eryn and Scott Schilling. Scott didn't think it was bad enough to go all out in a 25 mile time trial...he stayed out all night watching disney movies (I imagine that is what one does until 5 in the morning - I really have never been in a nite club). Scott you are the man. Mom said, "If you gonna be stupid boy, you better be tough" and Scott you are one tough individual and a good brother for not letting lil sista down!!
Jonathon Falgout raced the Cat 4 with someone from another team, but we still love him. Fact was, we didn't have a match for the speedy lil bastard. Then in the Cat 5 there was the team of Saul Dupuis and Tony Morrow. These boys looked like they had a fork in each hand at the end of the 25 miles. I had tried to explain to them that if they ever started feeling good during a time trial, not to worry, that it would pass. Tony's wife, Jenny, took plenty of excellent pictures. Their five year old son Cael was there to witness the festivities as well (more on my new buddy later).
Glenn "wheelie king" Richard and Trevor "Tri Canuk" Casper competed in the 35+ masters. And please don't let that genre fool you. Those 35+ boys will tear you a new one. They managed a blistering 56':56" time for 3rd place in an extremely tough category. Congrats!
Dodd "Doodie" Foreman and Mark "Antonio Banderas" Miller competed in the prettiest hair category. No, I'm sorry that would have been Cat 5. They put down an impressive time of 58':39" to blister the field and take 1st place. Besides their matching skinsuits and booties, and the fact they are full bore tri-geeks, they were definately the two fittest/fastest guys to pass me in the TT. (Don't tell them that they were the only ones to pass me). Congrats you two tri-wheenies - now get back to ironman. Dodd secretly told us after a couple of beers on the ride home (OK he didn't drink them I did...) that he wants to become a "roadie". I think I saw him in his garage with a hacksaw taking care of his aerobars once and for all!!
In the Fass Fass category as they say in my village...
Cat 1,2 we were well represented by the team of Brian "just off training wheels" Rizk and Jeb Falgout. Just to put things in perspective for you monkeys that have read this far into my report....Brian is still considered too young to ride a full set of cogs. His gearing is blocked at a 15 cog. You will understand the gravity of this statement when I tell you what these two yutes accomplished. Their time of 53':28" (not a typo and no I don't hvea dyslexia) was more than enough to win the whole shooting match. For those of you reading at home without a calculator, this translates to an average speed of 28.0521 mph. That will get you a ticket in most neighborhoods. You guys are incredible - Congrats!
Last but not least, was moi! and my teammate Eli "Elias" Ellsworth. Just as a little joke I signed up that morning under the "Pen Name" Elizabeth Smith. Damn joke cost me a one day license. I was attempting to have us race as Eli and Eli, well you know about the best laid plans. Enough said! That morning Cael Morrow, the five year old son of Tony and Jenny Morrow, became my new best friend. We met in the parking lot at Precision Bikes at 5am and I think Cael had more caffeine in him than I did. Kids tend to think I am a kid too...due to my tremendous height and my sourpuss/adultlike demeanor. He was a trip. I was peeing behind the team vehicle when he snuck up behind me with a stick and informed me that he thought the stick was bigger than me. I urinated all over my leg I was laughing so hard. I'm still not sure if he was referring to my height or something else (I prefer to think the stick was atleast 6 feet or longer!!). I digress...
Eli and I are both trail men. He usually rides them on a mountain bike and I like to run'em. This race wasn't about trails however, it was about 25 miles of concrete, concrete, and more concrete. I did see two dead snakes! He is a class act and will become a roadie to contend with. He drug my sorry butt for 25 miles, slapped me around and called me Suzy (kept telling him I was Elizabeth). What a ride it was. Miller and Doodie passed us just after the turn around. You can ask them about how I told them how awesome they were and how proud I was to be passed by two fine upstanding young men such as themselves. (OK the words I used couldn't be used in Prison or on a Fishing boat). Nonetheless, I only threw up in my mouth twice and I thoroughly enjoyed the pain inflicted upon me. One final thanks to Glenn for providing me with free beer after the race and not kicking me off the team for registering as a girl with no affiliation to our team.
Come to think of it, I never want to be part of a team that would have me as a member anyway...
SO THERE!! Until next time, mongoose out!!